¿Xopa?

hey

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 20:40:10 -0600

hey:

wow can you look at this

hey

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 20:40:10 -0600

hey:

wow can you look at this

Feliz Año Nuevo: Grupo 61

Mon, 03 Jan 2011 15:41:00 -0600

It’s been over 6 months since our official COS date, and as I ring in 2011 I find myself recapping on 2010 (half of which was still spent with my fellow Volunteers in Panama). Some of us now are still in Panama, some are new proud parents, some are recently engaged, some have returned from long adventuresome travels, some dove head first into full-time jobs or school, some have new boyfriends, many are still adjusting in one way or another.

I would love to hear updates from others. From those that are still in Panama, I’d love to hear the Bonchinche about… is it group 67 already?, the growth and change of the programs, the new office staff, and new sites expanding into the where? The Darien? I’d love hear from those that are home I’d love to hear about where you have landed and how you got there. I miss you all!

*So here is MY update:*

Amy and enjoyed a several week trip exploring Colombia. It was a fabulous trip. I found returning home in the summer comfortable. I spent August camping, going on float trips, and living in the woods still more or less. Those of you who visited my site know that living on the river in the jungle was my reality. I looked for jobs half-heartedly and met up with Amy and Kate (our ex-pat Maersk Panama friend that many of you met on the COS bus party) in Charlotte, NC and made trips up to Chicago and Michigan.

I did finally land a job working with the USDA as a bilingual specialist. It is rather boring office job but the paycheck beats our meager Peace Corps allowances and has afforded me the energy and stability to focus on other things. It also bought me a car which I needed in colder weather to get to work – I guess Panama made me soft on cycling 8miles in the cold when it’s dark out.

I have teamed up with a friend that works with Dr. Sonny Saggar who runs with a non-profit Health and Wellness center in downtown St. Louis. He is broadening his project to *Health & Wellness: mind, body and spirit*. http://www.dhwstl.com/ We are working on our first release of a publication to promote the arts and health. I am hoping to spearhead a project with him involving a space for musicians to collaborate and have the tools they need to grow.

I’m living in a fabulous duplex with my friend Kat (Some of you may have met her at Thanksgiving in Cerro Punta last year… it really doesn’t seem so long ago but worlds apart).

What do I miss most? I find that even though I’m surrounded by amazing family and friends I’m lonely. No one just comes up into my house to pasear when I think I want to be left alone but really could use their company echaring cuento. No one is badly playing accordion across the open divide between our houses. My neighbors are friendly here and helpful. Last week several stopped to help me dig my car out of the ice, but I really miss having no door and people just being there with me all the time. Judy has paseared and crashed on my couch with her dog Ginger in route home from Colorado. You are all welcome to do the same.

Hope 2011 finds everyone well, I just wanted to say happy new year to you all! I’d love to hear from you, ~Elena

2010 Mother’s Day flood, Dec 8th. Recognize my house?

Thu, 16 Dec 2010 22:13:49 -0600

2010 Mother’s Day flood, Dec 8th. Recognize my house?

Emberá Puru Newsletter

Fri, 03 Dec 2010 08:54:00 -0600

Welcome to our first Emberá Puru Newsletter Vol. 1, Dec. 2010 So many of you have come and spent a day or overnight with us in Emberá Puru and have commented on how your time in the village with the Emberá people was “something I will never forget”. We want you to know that we remember and think of you also. Through this newsletter we will keep you informed of the happenings and lives of your friends in Emberá Puru.

New School in Emberá Puru As many of you know, the children of Emberá Puru had to walk 35 minutes up river to get to the nearest public school. This walk is through the jungle (potentially encountering venomous snakes) and they had to cross several streams that could flood at any time during the rains. This concerned the parents of the children. The parents and Noko (chief) approached the minister of education asking for their own elementary school (1st-6th grade). In February 2010, the education minister granted them permission to have their own school. They were given this news around Feb. 15th and the Panamanian school year starts March 3rd! The entire village, men & women got to work immediately, clearing land and building their own one room school house. They finished it on time. The government sent them out a fantastic teacher, Anayansi Valdás Navarro. Anayansi is very motivated and dedicated to teaching and cultivating the minds of our Emberá youth. We are very grateful to have her.

Warrara Krincha- Emberá Puru Education Fund Some of you may be aware of our *Warrara Krincha* or Emberá Purú Education fund. “Warrara Krincha” means “ideas for the children” in the Emberá language. Through our last Peace Corps volunteer an Education fund was created in the village to receive donations to support the education of the children in our village. A little background, the government of Panama provides school up to the 6th grade to our children, but requires the students to wear uniforms and shoes. Which makes sense in the city but in the village, the cost of uniforms and shoes may make school attendance impossible for some kids. If the kids want to continue studying past the 6th grade the kids must leave the village and live with extended family near a city, which usually means they end up going from the safe, loving and supportive environment of the village to living in some of the poorest and most dangerous neighborhoods in the city. There is an American missionary run boarding school that our students can attend through graduating high school. At this school they get a good education and learn English as well. This school requires the parents to pay a small (by Western standards) tuition of up to $200.00 per month. This cost is often impossible for the parents and so many children who otherwise would love to continue their studies, are not able to continue on.

The Emberá parents are just like parents everywhere. They understand the value of a good education and want to provide their children with the best possible opportunities. Because of the large discrepency between the meager income of the Emberá people and the costs of elementary school uniforms and school supplies, and/or the costs of sending a child out to study away from the village, an education fund, named *Warrara Krincha *has been created. Elena Pahl our Peace Corps volunteer helped to create and organize this fund and a committee has been elected with community member, Zuleica Mepaquito as the chairwoman. We are in the process of becoming a legal non profit entity in Panama, (which is a long & complicated process) and after that will apply for US non profit status. If you would like to go support the education of the children of Emberá Puru you can make a donation through PayPal at

http://emberavillagetours.com/Village_Donations.html or by clicking here:

*Donation to Warrara Krincha* Store - or ways to donate: We have a variety of items for sale that 100% of the money goes to support the *Warrara Krincha *or Emberá Purú education fund: * Postcards * *Photos by Ron Porto* *Postcards $2.00/each or set of 5 for $10.00 * (+ shipping of $2.00) Photos taken in the village by tourists and sent back to us with permission to make postcards. The above are samples, we cannot guarantee which images you will receive. To order your set go to our *Village Donations * page.

http://emberavillagetours.com/Village_Donations.html

*Music CD * of traditional music recorded in Emberá Puru $10.00/each *(+ shipping of $5.00) Recorded Live in the village by Elena Pahl. (She was a sound engineer before the Peace Corps.) This CD is a fun mix of both traditional celebration music with flute and percussion instruments complete with singing and shamanic song and dance performed by the ladies in the village. To order your CD go to our *Village Donations * page. http://emberavillagetours.com/Village_Donations.html *Rain Poncho* *Rain Ponchos $15.00/each *(+ shipping of $5.00) If you forget to bring a raincoat, you may purchase one from Anne or in the village. The logo was selected when Anne sponsored a logo contest in the village and then the entire community voted for the best one, designed by Santo Luis showing a nice mix of the local butterflies with the geometric designs used in the typical Emberá cultura. To order your rain poncho go to our *Village Donations * page.

http://emberavillagetours.com/Village_Donations.html

*Dog Collar $35.00/each* Beaded dog collar inspired by the Emberá Tribe. Made by Lori Burt owner of *Zany Zak. *A company that makes Custom Handmade Pet Collars. Lori was touched by her time spent with the Emberá people during her visit on a cruise to Panama. She designed this collar using the colors and style of the beadwork and traditional weaving designs of the Emberá. *Click here to order your Emberá Tribe dog collar* *www.ZanyZak.com Contact:*

Anne@EmberaVillageTours.com www.EmberaVillageTours.com

Honoring Elena Pahl, Peace Corps Volunteer Recently, in January, our devoted Peace Corps volunteer, Elena Pahl completed her service of 2 years. Elena became an integral part of the community in Emberá Puru. She worked very closely with Erito Barrigón in developing marketing materials for the tourism business of the village and helping him, Emiliano Mepaquito and Flor Sotello keep the accounting correct. Elena also began our *Warrara Krincha* or education fund in the village and worked hard to get it registered as a legal non profit foundation in Panama. We are all extremely grateful to Elena and all the hard work, energy and love she put into our community. We all miss Elena very much in the village and wish her well in her future endeavors and we look forward to her coming to visit us again very soon.

Student of the Month: *Yetsibel Barrigón Mepaquito * Yetsibel, daughter of Erito & Zuleica is the first student to attend University from the village of Emberá Purú. We are all extremely proud of Yetsi. She graduated high school from the American missionary school and is now enrolled in University Specialized in the Americas, focusing on Tourism. After she graduates in 2 years from this program, Yetsi wants to continue studying to become an English teacher. Both professions are admirable and she plans on using her education and training to live back in her beloved village to help and support her community.

Follow-up's Blog

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 14:48:04 -0600

Follow-up's Blog

My follow-up volunteer's photo journal

Thu, 24 Jun 2010 08:17:00 -0600

My follow-up volunteer's photo journal

Things Im already missing glancing through recent photos.

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 15:20:00 -0600

My ladies

Casco Viejo, PCity

Bolita the neighbor's dog

Baby Critters - Gato Solo - Coati Mundi

Decked out Diabloes

Sunsets (rainbow), Isla Grande

My garden, PassionFruit Flowers

The Views around town

The kids

The catch (last moments fishing)

Things Im already missing glancing through recent photos.

"…into disorder and the laughter disorder produces…"

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 14:08:00 -0600

“…into disorder and the laughter disorder produces…”

- Dreams from my Father – Barack Obama, 1995

Si yo fuera una lentejuela

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 14:05:00 -0600

I am saying goodbye to Panama. It has been heck of a run the last 27 months. It is hard to put words to it all as it comes to an end. I´ve learned so many lessons. I´ve come to love people who welcomed me with open arms and a culture so different from my own. I came in with my walls up assuming they would never understand me, and left knowing that going home to the states where few will ever really take the time and patience to come to know who I have become. In the states people don’t just show up at your house uninvited to just to tell stories for a couple hours, thank you for your stories, and that is all they want. There isn’t time for listening. I gained patience for so many things in life here, and yet lost patience for so many attitudes.

Panamanian or American I just don’t have patience for people who complain about things. Complaining is OK, don´t get me wrong it is AOK to point out where things have gone wrong, but please suggest a solution. Complaining to just complain and then looking at me like I have 5 heads when I suggest a solution? No. I don´t ever want to fall into that trap.

Example. Neighbor Eliecer bought a tank of gas for his stove from the store and left it there. He was going to grab it when he came back to the port and went upriver. Well the storeowner didn’t realize the tank of gas had been sold and sold it to someone else. There was no more left when he came back. He ranted and went on and on about how much the storeowner had screwed him. I said to him… well since she didn’t sell you anything you could always ask for your money back and walk the 200yards up the hill and buy a tank of gas THERE where they have them. You never know, the store owner might feel bad and drive you up there to do so? He just threw his hands up and said he wasn’t gunna do that and went off and found someone else to complain to. So many people just like to complain.

I´ve learned here how to identify problems in the community I live in and then to look for a unique way in which my community can address and solve them. When I´m asked by tourists or visitors what the community´s biggest needs are… I can confidently say they are all things I have tried addressing. First of all it is rare that people ask. Most look around with their own eyes and see people living in huts and decide they know what the problems are. So thank you for asking.

I have only lived there 2 years and I can’t say I know everything but I have tried. Even if it is problems with the park, I feel I’ve worked with the leaders on letter-writing and conflict resolution. Abstract things like attitudes and violence I’ve tried to take on with leadership with conflict management skills. I´ve attempted to take on health issues via nutrition and better communication technology by soliciting an Engineers Without Borders project that we have been approved for and are waiting for a chapter to chose our project. It would include installing a solar or hydroelectric system for our office and school, and some sort of microwave system to boost cell phone coverage to enable people to call in case of emergencies. I´ve tried to address education with our Warrara Krincha NGO project and we have sponsored scholarships, supplies etc. Now we have a school and a teacher and resources to some degree. The aqueduct was broken, so we get funding and an engineered and fixed it. I worked with the tourism committee when I realized that a lot of the community conflict came from accusations about money, and we worked to develop a transparent accounting and payroll system using Excel.

I´m not saying we have everything in the community working perfectly, and I know a lot will be forgotten or will far apart. But when a problem has presented itself to me or the community we´ve found a way to address it, not just complain about it. I hope that is something I take with me. I feel like every problem has its own solution if you can get people rallied around working for that solution, and in this small community that rallying has been possible. I’ll miss my community. I will miss the simplicity of enjoying life, and laughing every day. I won’t miss having to depend on unreliable people for transportation and to make things come together, but in general I will miss it. Side note. The word accountability doesn’t translate into Spanish, nor does the concept. Won´t miss either.

When considering Peace Corps two and a half years ago many people questioned how I could leave everything I know for 2 years. At the time I was ready for the adventure and I thought to myself, it’s easy, I just do. There have been rough points, but for the most part it has been an amazing experience and I´ve come to wonder why people don’t think about the hardest part… It isn’t leaving for 2 years that is hard. It is coming back after being gone for 2 years and diving in.

I am not who I was 2 years ago, My friends have changed. My pueblo as changed. The world has changed. There has been an economic crisis I wasn’t present for and have not felt. There is a new President that I absentee voted for but haven’t felt or heard about any of his policies. There was an economic crisis. I hear medical marijuana has come illegal in 15 states. Gay marriage is still accepted in only 5. There was a big horrible oil spill. A volcano erupted disrupting major international travel for months. There was a giant earthquake devastating the entire nation of Haiti. It all seems so distant here. My nephew when I left had just turned 3, now he is 5 and some. When I left Autumn was getting married to Matt. Now Autumn is married to Bekah and Matt is married to Kirby. Lauren is married to Chris. Chantell is married. Julie & Dan are married. Liz and Greg are married and have a 2 year old baby girl. Groups of friends have dissolved and reformed around places and people I´ve never known. I dive back in and all I have to say is… I dunno I wasn’t there… I was in a hut in the jungle?

Yes that hut in the jungle is no longer mine. Panama is about to become a memory, and hopefully one I can revisit, but it will never be what it has been the last 27 months. No longer will I have friends, fellow volunteers, from all scores of experiences, from different states and cities, etc there to share in our love, frustrations, and sometimes just amazement of the world around us.

I’ll miss wondering and commenting to them… Hey Panama! What´s with the side rattail? I thought that playboy bunny shaved in the side of your head got you enough attention.

And what is with the short mullets? The cut super short shaved head with that lil poof of curly party in the back, Panama´s very own.

I will never forget the day I find myself staring and impressed and the ingenuity of the lady wearing toilet paper rolls with bobby pins in her hair as curlers at the mall. Yes it is somewhat of a fashion statement in this country to go out in public in your curlers, but the toilet paper rolls take the cake.

I’ll miss being impressed by Panamanians ability to be so dang color-coordinated: hair clips match the makeup and neon colored shirt being worn. Even the eye shadow, giant earrings, and bangles to are the same hue. Often this is all matched to their boots. (Because boots are practical in the tropics of Panama City…)

Speaking of those neon shirts. It seems to be a contest to squeeze your way into a shirt the most sizes too small for you. This combined with the peeled on pants create a fabulous focus on the muffin-top and emphasize every fat on your body. I’m glad Panamanians are proud of a thicker body image, but I still will never forget how much of that thickness is shown off.

Then there is the mesh. Yes people wear mesh tank tops in public. It is illegal not to wear a shirt in Panama, male or female, but Mesh somehow constitutes a top. I thought it was a joke when I saw neon colored mesh cover-ups for sale… because mesh doesn’t really… cover up anything, but low and behold then I saw them modeled for me. Men and women alike seem to love the mesh as that special piece in their wardrobe.

One of my favorite bits of Panama style is the added Bling. An outfit is not complete if there are no rhinestones or sequins. I think a bedazzler would be a Panamanian’s best friend. I love seeing guys that have bedazzled their pants, shoes, bookbags, and even hats with studs to match. If your jeans and shirt don’t have rhinestones or sequins on them I can assure you, you didn’t get them in Panama, because I’ve looked high and low for some and cloths don’t exist without that added brilliance.

Then there is the Beanie in the tropics. Please tell me you are cold in this 90+ degree weather. That is one thing I just don’t get, but I give it to them. When I asked a fellow Panamanian if he know what that 5 leafed plant was on his stocking-cap… he responded like I was an idiot.. Yucca DUH! I am the dummy indeed.

AND then there is the oh-so convenient fanny pack. I saw a volunteer wearing one with his polo shirt the other day and was glad he was finishing up soon. I think he was crossing the lines into too much of the Panamanian style.

I will miss my Panamanian Fashionistas. Even in the jungle –brightly colored skirts—no tops, beads and loincloths. Oh Panama what could possibly outshine your bright colors, the skin tight sequins, mesh, glitter, and rhinestones? Panama will always be that bright shiny place in my memory. And now it is time for that adventure of finding my place between my memories of home and its reality.

Photo

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 13:30:00 -0600

Photo

Mon, 26 Apr 2010 21:50:06 -0600

michi reading

neighbor´s amazon kingfisher

baking workshop

Ser igualitario o ¡JUEGA VIVO!

Mon, 05 Apr 2010 10:19:39 -0600

Last month I reread Jared Diamond’s Guns Germs and Steel. I read parts of this in high school, but hadn’t read it in sequence. It was a little textbooky to be enjoyable reading out here but I’m glad I gave it another read. The chapter From Egalitarianism to Kleptocracy stuck with me. It described the move from clan to tribe to chiefdom to state in cultures around the world. I couldn’t stop but laughing thinking how dang egalitarian my little clan is.

We had elections last month for the board of the PTA for the new school – no we still don’t have a teacher. Well they argued that everyone should have their job and roll and participate. They started choosing some of the quietest women in the community to be the leaders of the PTA. Great idea, but I don’t think the idea ever crossed their mind that perhaps these not-so-outspoken ladies aren’t comfortable as leaders and may not make good ones. But they were so dang stuck on everybody has to be equal. The women should have leadership positions too and that was that.

All is done and those women got stuck with their positions. I hope that being in charge will drag some confidence to the surface and we can discover some new leaders, but I felt like I was in a grade school class with everyone yelling about how life has to be FAIR.

In our world we learn quickly life just isn’t fair. But out here they do their best to make it so. It surprises me. Inside a country where the government is as corrupt as any in Latin America. They had Americans here taking advantage of them as their role model and so they learned to do the same. It is expected if you are in a leadership position that you skim a little, or a lot, off the top. In fact the community gave me permission to take funds from our education fund. I didn’t and haven’t of course, but it struck me how EXPECTED that sort of thing is. It is expected that you look out for number 1. Be corrupt. Be unfair. Be dishonest. It’s OK, if it means you get ahead.

In Panama there is this phrase… ¡JUEGA VIVO! You can translate it, but it loses its meaning. It sorta just means Live out of control! And it is seen as a good thing. It is about shoving and cheating to get ahead. And it is not looked down on. It’s just what you do in Panama. It is a Panamanian phrase. It is a Panamanian attitude. It’s the ugly side of the culture to me. But when people cut you off in a car, when they push infront of you in line, when they constantly give you attitude. You just come to expect it. It’s rule number 1. ¡JUEGA VIVO! Rule number 2 is of course not to mess with anybody else’s ¡JUEGA VIVO!

Yet here, outside the city, in Emberá land where everyone is family they still expect everyone to be fair to each other. They are either family, or close enough having grown up, raised kids together, etc. If one person gets one thing they are expected to share. I still flinch when the teenagers come over and ask to use my guitar. I envision them plucking the strings right off. It always returns way out of tune. In my world musical instruments are nice things, not something you share unless you trust that person, and I just don’t trust my teenage boys no matter how nice they are. But I have learned to share.

In our savings and personal finance chat the other week Erito stood up and said but if I’m saving up for something, I have to keep it a secret. Because if I don’t everyone will expect me to share the money I have. So I have to keep it a secret until I buy what I’m saving for. Then I’ll share that with them, like the TV I just got. I let whoever wants whenever they want come over and watch TV at my place.

I never thought about it much that way. That being egalitarian to the extreme puts a damper on your ability to save and get ahead, because no one is expected to get ahead. Everyone is supposed to be equal.

On one last note. My neighbor bought an accordion. God I wish he wouldn’t share. From 6AM until everyone passes out (10-11PM) SOMEONE is sharing that damn accordion. No one really knows how to play it, but they sure are good at making noise.

Photo

Fri, 26 Mar 2010 16:43:18 -0600

Dariana (2 months)

Working on Aseroi's house

Esther & Yeibet leaving school

School Boat!

students overboard cooling off. bags dry

"The only thing he had to learn about love [is] that nobody teaches life anything."

Fri, 26 Mar 2010 10:07:01 -0600

“The only thing he had to learn about love [is] that nobody teaches life anything.”

- Love in the Time of Cholera — Gabriel Garcia Marquez, 1985.

Mi consejo sobre estos puerquitos

Fri, 26 Mar 2010 10:06:27 -0600

Last week I gave a small talk to my community about personal finance and saving. This was spurred by a conversation I´ve had with several community members that started with them asking me… Elena… I was wondering what you think of those piggies.

Well I scrunched my nose up (expressing as you do in Panama that I had no idea what they were talking about). They repeated you know… those piggies… the ones you keep that eat money.

I gave it a long thought. OH! PIGGY BANKS! They were asking for my advice about piggy banks. Really? They wanted to know how to go about saving their money. So I addressed that to everyone in a lil half day workshop. My supervisor came out and brought some piggy banks as prizes. It went over well.

I’m proud of them for being interested. I’ve always noticed in the economically poorer parts of town anywhere in this world you find all the places that will cash your paycheck quick. Because that is what you do when you get paid. You cash it all and spend it all. There is no such thing as saving. The average Panamanian in Panama City isn’t much different. The lines at the banks are blocks long on quincenas – the twice monthly Friday paydays that the entire country seems to get paid on. Everyone lines up. Takes out all their money, and all the malls, bars, everywhere where there is to spend money is packed that night.

Well here they want to save. We will start with piggy banks. They have Warara Krincha as an example to see that saving for a year we could collectively raise and save over $5000 if we decided to put it away and not spend it as it came in. We’ll see how it goes. I have high hopes for them and it was fun listening to the things they wanted to save for: A motor, School for their daughter, a Computer for their son, a generator.

I forget that such things I take for granted as always knowing are big news to them sometimes.

The other day one of the young men was at my house reading books from the library. He grabbed one on the solar system. He started asking questions if people had been to the sun and was shocked to hear that it is a flaming ball of gas that you can’t put out and going there would be suicide.

We moved on to the moon, and he was surprised to hear me confirm the rumor that men have walked on it. Then he asked about Mars and thought I was really pulling his leg when I told him, no people haven’t been there but we’ve sent robots to walk around and take pictures.

I was surely making this all up. What about Saturn he asked. I told him it was just a ball of swirling gas with an orbit of rocks around it. Then came the STARS and he was convinced I was lying when I told him every star is another sun, with its own planets like ours and mars and Saturn and others going around it.

WAIT back up! He exclaimed. You are saying we are MOVING?! Going AROUND the sun? and spinning?

Ah yes… sometimes I forget this is news to these folks. I’m not trying to say they are backwards thinking in the least. To the contrary they are surprisingly progressive, open to new ideas, etc. They still teach me things everyday (yesterday my neighbor showed me how to get a mold stain out of some of my shirts I’ve been struggling with for almost a year… I’m still not sure exactly how she did it). These are just things no one ever told them out. The earth is moving, and you can save money no matter how small an amount and it can turn into something significant.

Photo

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 20:30:12 -0600

Our school that still has no teacher

tadpoles

kiddies

"I have come to understand that life is composed of a series of coincidences. How we react to these –..."

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 13:52:05 -0600

“I have come to understand that life is composed of a series of coincidences. How we react to these – how we exercise what some refer to as free will – is everything; the choices we make within the boundaries of the twists of fate determine who we are.”

- Confessions of an Economic Hit Man, John Perkins, 2004.

¿Qué puedo hacer?

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 13:51:00 -0600

I´m nearing the end, and looking forward and looking back. My community has already started the countdown to the day we are going to cry: 79 days (I originally wrote 48 but apparently my community and I both forgot about the existance of the month of May). In a place where it is all about living in the moment. When trying to say something should happen later or soon is confused with the blur of the infinite future and maybe never… where now is all there is… I sure have been thinking a lot about that indefinite future for my community as well as for me.

In the time I have left IN Panama I´m hoping to have my friend Ashley come visit, and for her to have a crash course in basket weaving and perhaps an Emberá spa’ treatment (… plants and such that are supposed to reduce hair-growth). In exchange I´m hoping to have a weeklong baking class each day with she and I and the ladies doing a bread, a meat, and a dessert and maybe some veggies (baked potatoes.. etc) in our oven to encourage them to use it more, and realize the possibilities of non-fried food. Also in May I´m planning on going to the Darien with Toti and Silvia to visit Toti´s dad. We are flying there and taking a boat back. It should be an adventure.

For me my post Peace Corps future lies somewhere hopefully in formulating my dreams.. but how concrete our abstract that next step will lead me there I’m uncertain. What I know is my last day in the community will be the 6^th of June. Then I have 3 days in the city to get my paperwork and blood work wrapped up. Then I´m off the hook with things with Peace Corps. June 10^th Amy and I are tentatively planning to hop on a sailboat and sail across the archipelago of the San Blas Islands and to Cartagena. We are going to decompress in Colombia, maybe see Medellin maybe even Cali, visit our friend Catalina in Bogotá, and fly home. Then what? I´m hoping to be in home in time for Matt´s St. Louis wedding reception on the 27^th. Early August I´m planning on going to a week long Women´s Music Festival in Michigan with some friends. But really what is next? UPeace Costa Rica by mid-August? Wait until the winter semester and Webster´s Intl NGO Development program in the Netherlands? Get a job wherever I can? Go on the road with Matt & Owen and live their dream? Do sound and music and lighting for their hip’hop project? Come back to Peace Corps Panama as a regional leader in October? – my boss´ favorite option down here. Or how about the volunteers that are going to cycle back from Panama getting home in October, maybe I could meet up with them (cyclesofchange.wordpress.com)? Or something else I haven’t dreamed up yet?´

What about my community? They should be getting a follow’up volunteer June 13^th if everything goes well. I hope to meet up with this person in the course of their training, but rather not be in the community with them because everyone´s experience is different and they will already face trying to fit into my shoes. What of my projects will fall apart? Accounting is going but we still haven’t transferred from Excel to Access or to having a Macro for adding new members and that step is beyond easy explanation in Excel as is. How about organizing Warrara Krincha´s funds. Will our treasurer be able to take over completely doing the math for the loans, interest, planning financing, etc? The school’boat motor we just bought… how will it endure going up the river as it gets dryer and dryer bringing kids to school. Will it get abused? What about our school? School has started, still no teacher…. It would be nice to get light installed in it too. There are other projects too… what about my kids. They wont remember me. The adults yes, but the kids I watched grow for 2 years?

What about Euris who seems to have a developmental problem. He´ll be 5 years old this month and he just sorta grunts and babbles. There a couple words you can understand, but for the most part no. He is just sorta wild too. But then again.. he is probably better off here where even if he doesn´t develop the same as the other kids he still gets to run around and be wild and active and grow up happy. He isn´t seen as a problem, just as a little different.

Then there is my house.. its weird thinking that things in there won´t be used for what I´ve been using them for the last few years. If the new volunteer doesn´t want to use my Coleman oven. My jungle’creation cuisine won´t be the same as his or hers. My cat, will he or she like him? My garden will it be maintained? My composting latrine will he or she use it or opt for the neighbor´s pit latrine? My bed will be their bed. My community will be theirs… it´s odd walking through your day and imagining someone you don´t know is going to be doing that in your place in a few months. What suggestions should I give that person? What should I let them figure out for themselves? What if they don´t make it through training, or as a volunteer in my site?

AH.. So many unknowns, but for the most part they are unknowns I can´t control. I’ll do my best to lay the path so that things in the future fall in the best foreseeable track, but I can´t control everything, and down here I´ve learned. Don´t stress about things you can´t do anything about. Example. We lost 28 cruises from our schedule this year. That is well over $5000 in losses because the river was too dry. Well we can´t make the river less dry… so no one was upset, They took it with a sigh and then were laughing a minute later. Well that´s really what it comes down to. I’ll do what I can about what I can in the time I have left here, but then I just have to let things go down the path they go.

"Before I started to take my dreams into my own hands, I used to go out with people who had the kind..."

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 23:03:00 -0600

“Before I started to take my dreams into my own hands, I used to go out with people who had the kind of dreams I ignored. I found it inspiring. All during the relationship, we’d lay on the futon/bed-thing drinking coffee after sex, our bodies braided in sweaty sheets, the room smelling like French roast, armpits, open legs, and stale perfume / the room too dark to see the dead candles with cat hair stuck to them or the peeling paint in the room, and we’d stare at the ceiling when we’d tell each other our dreams and go “yeah” like we had no vocabulary.”

- Flaming Iguanas, Erica Lopez, 1997